SpaMano - Mafia - Chapter 8

   When morning came, Feliciano was in his own room ( because Ludwig carried him there) and Lovino asleep in Antonio's arms once again. The older man woke up first, watching his lover sleep a while longer. He sighed and thought about him and Lovino, that if Lovino really loved him or just liked him a lot. Antonio was almost afraid to ask him, worrying that he might hate him. Moments later, the small Italian rolled over and noticed Antonio staring at him.
"Stalker..."
"Well, buenos dias to you too."
Lovino cuddled up with the Spanish man, not wanting to move. Antonio swallowed his pride and spoke up.
"Lovino."
"Si?"
"I have to ask you something. It's kinda been bothering me since last night."
"What might that be?"
"Do you...really like me?"
"Duh."
"Si, si. Now, think really hard about this. Do you love me?"
Lovino froze, the man's words playing over and over again in his mind. He couldn't really think what to say. Antonio got slightly worried at Lovino's silence.
"Lovi?"
"I....I'm sorry, Antonio...."
Antonio looked away, quite upset and disappointed.
"Oh...I see..."
"Toni...you don't understand."
"Understand what?"
The small Italian shifted to where Antonio was in his arms. The Spanish man looked the Italian directly in the eyes. Lovino sighed and kissed Antonio's cheek before he spoke.
" Understand that I want to love you, but I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want you to get hurt because of me."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Ever since I was little everytime I said 'I love you' to somebody they either got hurt or died. I don't want that to happen to. My love is bad luck, Antonio."
"It's not possible for someone to die because you love them."
"Oh really? When I was 7 years old, me, Feliciano, and our parents were all sitting on the living room floor on Christmas morning. I looked at both of my parents, hugged them and said 'Ti amo mama e papa'. The very next day, they were gunned down by some thugs in Venice. So, our Grandpa took care of us from there on. When we were 13, he saved us from getting killed as well. I looked and him with tears in my eyes and said 'Grazie Nonno, ti amo'. Three days later he died of a heart attack. I still didn't understand that I caused the deaths. Then when me and Feliciano were 2 weeks away from turning 15, he gave me an early birthday present and he said 'Ti amo fratello' and hugged me. I hugged him back and said 'Anch'io ti amo'. Later that night, he was stabbed in the stomach and left behind this very building to die. If I Ludwig didn't find him he would've been dead. All because of me..."
Lovino's voice broke towards the end and Antonio noticed a few tears falling from the small Italian.
"Lovi..."
"I don't want that to happen to you, Toni."
"Please don't cry over me, Lovino. I'll be fine and I'll be with you forever..."
Lovino buried his face in the Spanish man's chest, tears still falling. Antonio smiled weakly and rubbed his Italian lover's head. 'Lovino Vargas... this kid has been through a lot... no wonder he was so mean when we met. I know he loves me, he just won't say it.... Te amo Lovi...' he thought to himself. Lovino, still being embraced by the older man, thought as well. ' Antonio, I know that you understand my reasons for not telling you I love you. I can't even tell my own fratello that I love him... Don't worry, I have a feeling I'll be able to tell you soon enough...'